I wrote 4 blog posts last week.
Did you read any? No. Because I never published them. They all fell under the following categories:
Post #1 ) Bitchy
Post #2) Depressing
Post # 3) Extra Depressing
Post # 4) Thank God I scheduled the next days post after midnight and it never published that morning.
While Peter De Vries, not Hemingway, may or may not have said “Write drunk, edit sober” neither lived in the time where they had access to the WordPress scheduling feature. Never ever schedule a blog post that you’ve written (I use that term loosely) after several glasses of wine. It’s worse than the Reply All button on your email.
I know. Now you’re like I really want to read that post Alex and I should admit it wasn’t terribly awful, it was just rather something that maybe was not very…um…nice. Things about the state of blogging, why Pinterest thinks it can be Facebook and how sponsored posts are… (Publish! Publish! Shut up.)
And I blame this all on winter.
See, at this point in the year, the whole it’s so pretty outside routine morphs into a deep hatred of waking up and peering out your window each morning to see what fresh hell awaits you. The pretty snowflakes that you loved in December have turned themselves into a cocaine and alcohol fueled frat party that won’t stop. You walk outside and they’re all over your car and your driveway and you yell at them “Stop you’re ruining my life and get off my lawn!” and they just laugh and say “Your snow tires are never coming off bitch, learn to love it!”
Then there’s the kid issue. If you’re a parent you get an extra special layer of stir crazy hell. Winter activities for kids seem like your magical unicorns that you need to get you through this mess. But they did not account for this thing called -40 windchill. We walked for less than 2 minutes from the truck to the mall this past week and I swear I was going to buy everyone ski goggles to wear outside for the remainder of this season. You don’t know cold until you feel dry eyes so bad that the Visine stops working. But if you were happen to wear Pure Optical contact lenses, they’d keep your tear ducts busy and you eyes, wet. Suggestions to fixing dry eyes include blinking more by the way. Is this a trick? I am seconds away from my eyelids freezing.
So your kids that can’t spend time outside are therefore stuck inside wreaking havoc on your house thus preventing you from getting anything done. It’s like an endless chorus of Stewie Griffin’s Mom, Mom, Mommy, Mommy, Mummy speech. I am not even lying when I say that every single day, the first time I get to really sit down after catering to everyone’s else’s issues and the never ending chores is at least 10 pm. That leaves me with a good 1 hour left to myself where I can have a glass of wine and pass the hell out of sheer exhaustion from all the snow shoveling.
See this? This is the shallow end of my back deck. First step in and you can’t see my BOGS boots.
And as much as Empire Strikes Back is one of my favourite movies, at some point even they got tired of the planet Hoth. Luke knew where it was at and left for Dagobah system. Plant life FTW.
Even my R2D2 coffee mug is silently crying.
I not surprisingly had to take an interlude from writing this to go shovel the driveway and clear the cars of all the snow – for the second time in 2 hours. The only real bright side to this snow is that all the glare from it makes everything brighter thus helping bloggers shoot their blog pictures more easily in daylight savings time. The catch is everyone is stressed out, tired and drying their socks over a heating vent with no inclination or time to craft/DIY/avoid writing blog posts without swear words as to not offend future sponsorship opportunities.
PS – if you want a great blog with swear words, my fellow blogger Heather just introduced me to Thug Kitchen. Hello? Where has this been all my life? You know I am bordering crazy when I actually enjoy cooking and have been on a homemade soup making bender (just don’t expect any photos of my soups, that is like a whole other level of artistry I have not mastered).
So if some of the east coast bloggers you enjoy reading are kind of missing in action right now, it’s because we’ve all started to feel like the people in Boston who have all but had their patience ripped from their shovels. The photos of the lawn chairs and beer bribery to hold a parking spot, as a former downtown Toronto dweller, I tip my hat to you because I so understand your street parking struggle.
But if in the end, we do inevitably write some posts and share some projects, we cannot be held accountable for the things we say in the winter. Deal?